If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize