Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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