It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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