Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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