you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
