i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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