You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
