Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
