if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
