We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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