I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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