I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
