This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he thought i was a dude.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Randomize
