So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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