i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
