It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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