woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
