Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Success! We fucked roommates!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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