The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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