Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
