She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
PANTIES FOUND
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