I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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