I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
