around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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