If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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