i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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