check it out our google latitudes are spooning
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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