so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
