I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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