I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
