Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
