I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
