HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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