No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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