Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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