I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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