I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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