Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
