Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
