Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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