I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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