And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
