Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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