I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
