Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
