I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
