She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
how does that bad decision feel?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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