How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
