A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
