I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
