Don't you send me to vm
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
