It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
