When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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