Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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