i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
