you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
