We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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