shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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