we have pet lesbian snakes
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
