she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
