...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
