"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
