If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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