you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
