Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When are your genitals available?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
