Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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