she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
