You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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