I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
