but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
