It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We need a shit load of segways right now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
