i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Who died my cat blue again?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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