dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
