No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
