o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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