He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
