i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
